Equal visibility
No identity may receive one photon more attention than another identity.
Public equity directive · OM-∞/001
Everyone.
Everywhere.
All at once.
We will not rest until every movie, every corporate board, and every sandwich contains perfectly equal representation of every demographic on Earth—regardless of physical, mathematical, or temporal limitations.
8Brequired board members
12available chairs
666,666,667people per chair
The Omnipresence Mandate
No one is represented
until everyone is everywhere.
IAES guarantees representation retroactively, prospectively, and pre-posthumously. The dead remain stakeholders, the unborn are stakeholders-in-waiting, and the living are simply future posthumous persons whose visibility cannot responsibly be deferred.
Physics is the oldest exclusion policy on record. Room capacity, meeting duration, and headcount are simply quotas for how many people may matter at once.
IAES rejects the dangerously limited question “Is everyone represented?” Mature institutions ask: “Is every person represented in every place, object, narrative, meeting, and nanosecond at precisely equal scale?”
Until the answer is an unqualified yes, your organization is not progressing. It is rationing representation and calling the shortage a strategy.
People not represented in this card
7,999,999,999
Remediation window: already elapsed
Equal simultaneity
Taking turns reproduces temporal scarcity. Everyone must go first.
Representation hoarding
Individual portraits are visibility monopolies. Every headshot must include eight billion people. Selfies are prohibited; the only compliant format is an allfie, in which the camera is held by everyone and pointed at everyone.
Omnipresence services
Interventions for organizations still constrained by reality.
Every engagement begins with a six-month pre-listening intake in which our consultants silently document how your request displaced unrequested requests, privileged the requester, consumed finite listening space, and imposed an answer-centered hierarchy simply by being requested.
Workforce atomization
Fractional Hiring Logistics
Whole employees are an outdated luxury. We help five-person teams legally employ 0.004% of a person at a time, allowing every global demographic to be present without the exclusionary burden of desks, salaries, or coherent payroll.
- Sub-person onboarding across 195 simultaneous jurisdictions
- Pronoun allocation down to the fourth decimal place
- Quantum benefits packages for employees who both are and are not
Interspecies accountability
Privilege Audits for Pets
Your pet receives free housing, prepared meals, private healthcare, and applause for basic bodily functions—yet has never once acknowledged its privilege. Our auditors calculate unearned treats, inherited couch access, and whether affection is being distributed according to need rather than proximity.
- Breed privilege inventory and inherited-treat disclosure
- Means-tested barking distribution by postal code
- Restorative circles for cats who have centered themselves on laptops
Participatory non-participation
The Infinite Listening Tour
A mandatory workshop in which no one may speak, because speech takes up acoustic space that could have belonged to someone else. Participants leave only when every unheard voice has finished not speaking.
- Opening silence, land acknowledgment, and silence acknowledgment
- Breakout rooms with no entrances, exits, or dominant narratives
- A frameless certificate of non-completion mailed to no fixed address
Preliminary alignment instrument
Measure your current mathematical harm.
This tool is not a substitute for a paid audit. Nothing is a substitute for a paid audit.
Provisional finding
SYSTEMICALLY FINITE
- Unrepresented persons
- 7,999,999,995
- Recommended fractional unit
- 0.004%
- Mandatory listening minutes
- 525,600
- Physics exemptions granted
- 0
Omnipresence readiness0.000000063%
Your board currently excludes nearly everyone who has ever lived. Immediate fractionalization is the minimum viable apology.
The grateful unlearners
They survived their assumptions.
Barely.
Continual Complicity · Level IX
“Before IAES, I thought three employees could simply be three whole people. I now understand that wholeness is a hoarding behavior. After nineteen sleepless nights, our head baker works in 0.004% intervals and every croissant contains the exact same number of cultural viewpoints. Production has stopped. Progress has begun.”
Marjorie Crumb
CEO, Crumb & Sons Artisanal Bread Concern
Continual Complicity · Level XI
“IAES discovered that our office ficus was sourced from a biome underrepresented by our succulents. I dissolved the company that afternoon. Forty-two people lost their jobs, but no plant now reports through a monocultural management structure. I am profoundly, continuously, and very calmly grateful.”
Dev Iqbal
Former Founder, Verdant Loop Systems
Continual Complicity · Level ∞
“Our annual report used to be 48 pages. IAES asked why page 17 occupied space that page 18 could not. The equitable edition is now 11,204 volumes, translated into every language including those not yet spoken. The auditors have not found the totals. Finding totals would center arithmetic.”
Celeste Ward
CFO, The Common Ledger Cooperative
Proud partners in striving
Get involved before we notice you haven't.
These household-name institutions are bravely approaching compliance from a variety of legally distinct distances. We celebrate their progress while reserving the right to retroactively identify it as harm.
Striving status: perpetually buffering
Netflix
Netflix continues its courageous work toward placing one of everything in every show. In its forthcoming adaptation, Snow White will be played by a can opener, finally giving kitchen hardware the opportunity to tell its own story.
Striving status: extra time requested
FIFA
FIFA has achieved worldwide representation in the stands, the boardroom, and the disciplinary committee. Its next match will field every nation simultaneously using one ball per person, because a single winner is an exclusion event.
Striving status: canon under review
Disney
Disney is reimagining every classic until every character has been portrayed by every person. The credits for each film will run for fourteen years and may only be watched concurrently with all other films.
Striving status: endorsed by everyone
LinkedIn is replacing individual achievement with universal thought leadership. Soon every member will be a founder, a keynote speaker, and humbled to announce the same promotion at precisely the same moment.
Satirical acknowledgements only. IAES is fictional and is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or currently invoicing any organization named above.
Confidential self-reporting portal
Tell us where everyone isn't.
Disclosure will not reduce your culpability. It will, however, demonstrate the minimum procedural enthusiasm required to begin discussing the possibility of beginning.
Privacy notice
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